At home in the Park

In the spring of 1990 my business partner and I stopped at People's Park in Berkeley. We sat on a log among the homeless people. Some were cooking food. Others rolled around in the grass with their loved ones. Some smoked weed and some drank booze. Most dressed in rags, tie-dye shirts, jeans, long hair, short hair, leather jackets, and bare chests.

We were two businessmen sitting there with them—would-be land developers. Such was the power of People's Park to attract all kinds of folks. A worn-out looking Park resident came up and said, "What are you guys doing here? You don't belong here!" My partner responded, "We're people too!" We kept sitting. The long-term resident shrugged his shoulders, indicating we were okay. We had established our turf on a log.

Dozens of homeless people lived in People's Park. Eventually the University built a volleyball court, and pushed some of them out into the streets of downtown Berkeley. But the Park remains; people still live there. For nearly 40 years People's Park has been a symbol and a home to people who did not or could not live the "American dream"—all for different reasons. There's freedom there. It is a freedom akin to crossing the Frontier in a covered wagon. Dangerous, lonely, and alienating, but space and time are your own in a way that no mortgage payer or renter ever knows.

Some Park people refuse to live in shelters. They want the street. This is their home. Others were in complete misery. They were there because they fell off the edge of the housing market. Not enough money from odd jobs, too few friends and family, a mind slipping away from the stress of life, and no housing they could afford. A formula for coming to the street as home.

Some of my radical friends from 15 years back became disgusted with the Park. One noble liberal preferred to work for social justice from his antiseptic non-profit office, while taking offense at People's Park. He wanted those dope-smoking bums out. He was once a radical fighting the establishment—now he and his associates were establishment but they didn't know it.

I've had my moments close to the edge. Only my friends kept me from the street. My business partner had similar troubles. You owe it to yourself to hang out with the dispossessed. As the Depression proved, very little separates us from the street.

Playfield Of Consciousness

Atomic Friend

Lately, I've been playing around with the fanciful idea of the "atomic friend." This is not about nuclear energy, it's about how we perceive the world. When we look across the table at somebody we're having dinner with, for example, we don't see that person or friend as photons cast in our direction — we see facial expressions. Likewise, we don't perceive sound vibrations, instead we're aware of words and tones of voice, which themselves are as full of meaning as facial expressions are full of meaning.
This view of the "atomic friend" is something we get from subatomic physics, our perception of ultimate reality below what we experience in daily life. It's sometimes referred to as reductionism — the idea that we can define things at a level and say, it's nothing but that, it's nothing but photons, it's nothing but sound vibrations. Yet that's not how we experience life. We experience it with meaning, and love.
The same reduction process happens very commonly in modern society, without the benefit of any knowledge of subatomic physics. We just have to look at the sophisticated games people play around money and power, for instance. Instead of appreciating a child's requirement for love, many people simply give the child toys and money as a substitute for love. They've reduced the relationship to a very quantifiable thing called money, saying "Well, I can't afford to really spend time with you" — that's a subconscious thought, of course — "I can't afford to really spend time with you, but I can give you money, because that's what I'm spending my time doing, and here's the money that expresses my love." Well, somehow the love gets lost in the experience. It's like reducing facial expressions to photons.
It's the same with manipulating people as pawns in power games, in order to aggrandize one's own self or ego. One can manipulate hundreds or thousands of people as an executive, without much concern at all for the feeling experience of the manipulations — like moving a factory from one part of the world to another without experiencing or even paying attention to those things, because we've reduced it to a game of money and power, saving money, or the wonderful joy of the power, being able to move all those materials and people from one place to another. Thes behaviors, I like to say, are truly unconscious.

Audio to text transcription, editing, and augmentation
by Peter Good. Cartoon by Terry Pettengill.

Ordinary and Extraordinary Life

Ordinary life flows on until there's an opening into the extraordinary; a vision of the absolute, transcendental, vertical dimensions of reality. Ordinary life dominates our awareness. The chores, the tracks laid down by education, family, childhood, youth, middle and old age. Sometimes, it feels good; sometimes disarming. We may entertain or distract ourselves for we can't always bear the ordinary condition.

Into every ordinary life come truly difficult events that break the habitual patterns; creating openings into the extraordinary. Amazingly, the extraordinary just shows up by way of grace alone - arriving into a humble simple ordinary moment - while washing dishes by hand! Or, walking with a young child.

Let the Good News be Told

Before the sun rises, let the good news

be told. Today is a better day. Today

I'm feeling well again. Today love rings

the Earth with wisdom and power.

Sitting, standing, breathing, eating, day

dreaming, flying in my memory from spot to

spot in the ocean of past scenes –

now a youth, now a lover, now a student,

now a father, now an older man. Pain and

joy flickering like stars in vast

velvet spaces.

The Begging Bowl

The Begging Bowl was clean;
So the Busy People
Glimpsed their Sweet Reflections
As their Coins Dropped in,
And they Rushed on, Out-of-Sight.

But the Blind Beggar,
His Dark Eyes Shining Bright
Out from his Life-Long Night;
With his Grief-Softened Heart Open Wide,
Basking in Delight
“Saw” only their Sweet Light.

Which begs-the-question:
Which One is the Beggar?

                                  Diane (Nov. 2012)

Meditation Question and Answer Session

Now is One

 

Words Are Maps

WORDS ARE MAPS of reality and dreams. Words are not reality, not dreams.

Better to stop now. Sit, walk around and breathe. Later, come back to the words. For words are the work of the world. Perhaps, the world would not exit without words; the "world" is a story we tell each other. Take away the story. What do you have left over? Just this, just that. Engaging directly what is; like a new born.

Of words, we don't need many. Just a phrase, a sound, can be enough to suggest reality.

Torches

We must pass down our wisdom. We must pass down our knowledge. We must tell our stories. Whether it's written, spoken, or typed, be the bard of your era. Light the torches for you have returned.

Unreleased Poem 8/14/2012

People often go to wild places to search for their True Nature
(but the Light is in your eyes each moment;
your home is in your heart always...)
So at such a moment, Honored One,
Where is your True Nature?

Oh Beloved,
Where have you been?

I went out following scented grasses,
to return chasing falling blossoms...

Being

   Thinking about being is not an everyday act for us. Instead, we tend to become absorbed in a wild chorus of events, appointments and emotional disturbances. 

   Contemplate being long enough and your life will be transformed into joy unattached to any particular experience. This is like being in love without a lover. The love is just there without dependence on the presence or absence of an external party. 

   The joy of being comes to us as we still the desiring aspects of mind. For so long as we are "ahead" or "behind" ourselves, we are not "here now" to experience the full intensity, wonder, and mystery of existence itself. The quality of our action in life depends on our day-to-day connection to our source, our being. The sense of "I am". 

   Terms such as "God", "infinity", "totality", and "existence" seem to refer to something in common. It is as if they commonly map a certain feeling area of the brain. But "brain" is itself an idea that is secondary to Being. Being contains "brain".

   We lose ourselves in what is "expected" of us in what we "must do". Eventually, even the very thought of being is lost to us. 

   Anyone who becomes committed to the attainment of self-knowledge has a journey to take back into their own heart. In part, it is the "downward path" from the head. In another part it's a "stepping back" from desire, frenzy and activity.

   Look at a wall and fall into wonder that it exists! This is the radical perspective. Our root experience is our deep felt sense of existence, being, or sense of "I am".

   Being is not passive, being is the stillness within all the process. Being is the eternal within the temporal. It is, in the words of T. S. Elliot, "the still point of the turning world". 

Living the truth (Happy Fathers Day Americ 21’)

"Jesus was going to speak at the Bank of America World Headquarters."
--Black Velvet Dreambook

After years of working in a large organization, a conflict broke out between my inner self and life with my corporate career. I got good money as a database computer trainer in the corporate headquarters. I was unhappy with life in my "organization." I wanted my organization be an organism -- alive and interconnected. My daily experience, however, was more like the "night of the living dead."
On the bus to work I read a passage from Krishnamurti, "Live the truth." That phrase exploded in my mind. I must say "No!" to those aspects of life that are false or do not work. That same day I got up before my trainees and felt a pit growing in my stomach that gradually moved up to my mouth. After writing a sentence on the blackboard, I turned around and said, "I can no longer do this work. We are not real with each other in this company. We ignore each other. There is no love in this place. I quit." As I walked out, half the class looked stunned while the other half applauded.
Back at my desk, I felt a powerful stillness. I saw everything in a new light. The desk, the walls -- everything present was suddenly there. An emotional and spiritual fog had lifted. Gradually, people came by and wished me well. Some felt that I had contacted a deep need in themselves.
Socrates showed us that thinking the truth is not enough. Truth demands to be lived. He was tried and condemned to death by his community for his fearless inquiry into the truth. The decaying democratic society of his time would not hear the questions he had to ask. Partisanship won the day. His friends arranged to bribe the jailer -- Socrates could have walked out. But he argued that to do so at that moment would undermine the very principles for which he had lived.
Our living philosophy is in how we live life. The philosophy that we claim should pull us toward a new way of life. Too many words make talk cheap and eventually crowd out silent lived wisdom. Philosophy becomes hypocrisy when its labors are an avoidance of life's duties or a flaunting of mental ability. Wisdom comes from a humble acceptance of reality. The truth of our lives is stated in how we are rather than by what we say.
Truthful living begins with an enlightened view of life, immediately followed by enlightened action. For example, cultivation of the ability to see one's self in others. Skin, bones, temperament and social status do differ. Tolerance, patience, honesty, respect, and love allow us to recognize our "basic self" in everyone -- this leads to empathy and compassion. We become naturally concerned with fairness in our sexual, family, social, and cultural arrangements.
Just before leaving my corporate job, I would often sit on the 38th floor of my Market Street office building in San Francisco. I would look down from my sealed window. One day I realized that if that window could open, I would have been tempted to jump. I was having a crisis of meaning. My work paid the family bills, but did not tie into some greater sense of meaning other than economic security.
In my spare time, I attempted to create meaningful projects for myself and my friends. A serious conflict developed between the time and energy consumed by the company and my other more meaningful life. My best friend suggested the importance of "abandoning doing for being". This meant that to cultivate stillness and let action spring from the well of stillness rather than being driven from one blind activity to another.
In the months and years following my corporate resignation, I searched for my "basic self." I spent increasing amounts of time in the backyard with my friends contemplating being, truth, God, and the study of Martin Heidegger's Being and Time . I began to understand the power of stillness within myself.
One night I dreamed about a large audience gathered in the Auditorium at the World Headquarters of the Bank of America in San Francisco. The speaker was Jesus. He was dressed in pinstripe suit and was clean cut. The financial world was gathered to hear him talk.
The years have unfolded around that dream. I have imagined what Jesus might have said to that crowd. He spoke from the fullness of lived experience. Jesus put on a suit and tie to get a hearing. The message went beyond the appearances of clothes and social status. A finance of compassion would proceed from the spirituality of compassion. A strong ethic of sharing across all boundaries.
What does it mean to live the truth? If it is a mere matter of acquiring more knowledge, the place to find the most truthful living people would be behind the walls of universities. If it's being fearless, the ranks of the military infantry would be the best place to find the truthful. If a contemplative life is equated with living the truth, then monks would probably rank higher than the rest of us.
Corporations have shaped our world. Can we humanize ourselves to the point of humanizing our institutions -- rather than having ourselves institutionalized? Living the truth is almost impossible in this life. We are paid to lie to ourselves by "dressing for success" and pumping ourselves up with positive thinking sales lectures.
T. S. Elliot used the phrase "the timekept timekeepers." The exacting control of time can destroy a person's authentic sense of self-existence. There is a deep conflict between family time and working time. To advance in the corporate or institutional ladder, the price is our time, our life. Time is now controlled by institutional rather than organic life circumstances. Family life has become monetized. We pay baby-sitters and nursery schools for the job of fathering and mothering. We give our money over to junk food instead of cooking. "Time is money." The time of mothers and fathers is sold in the market place.
We manifest obsessive acquisitive behavior similar to mad gamblers mesmerized by slot machines. The more we attempt to acquire, the higher the costs of living. Consider what would happen if we dropped this acquisitive madness: The heart of humanity would become more concerned with quality, rather than quantity. Objects would be made and exchanged with a sense of the value of life all around. We would need fewer luxuries, since our contact with life itself would be more fulfilling. Saints and yogis need little, not because of self-denial, but because of a greater satisfaction level due to few trivial desires. Want less, and the economics of consumption would fail. GNP would drop. People would indeed produce less, but would feel more productive. Life would slow down. More attention would be paid to the direct production of food and shelter. People concerned with cornering markets with the intent of raising the prices would be considered antisocial rather than honored members of society. There would again be time for the great pleasures of conviviality, reading, music, and family growth.
The self is like a seed that grows in response to its environment. Maple seeds produce maple trees. Whether a tree is healthy or ill depends upon how the genetic material in that seed responds to its soil and climate. In the corporate world, I lost myself in a maze of daily entanglements. As I became still, I returned to the financial district after a seven year absence. Being in the world need not mean being lost in the world.
My resignation was needed so I could remove myself from the center of action -- out toward a quiet zone to recreate myself. One of my teachers suggested that in this life we are "either businessmen or employees." It may be possible, however, to find a way of life in terms of doing work as love and service.
Organizations can be organisms. They can and often do provide a sense of community. One of the keys is development of basic human trust rather than relying on the application of managerial control. This is true of families, institutions, and entire societies. Speaking the truth is easier when we trust each other. We are mirrors of one another. But when trust fails, we demand control. Our conversation becomes corrupted by a passion for mastery over each other through intellectual and physical display of power.
Trust grows from seeing our common basic needs for love, food, shelter, wisdom, enlightenment, joy, and freedom. We are often afraid to drop pretenses. Miracles occur when trust happens between people. The walls of our false personalities start to come down -- we begin to work together. Due to lack of trust, people often need drugs in social gatherings to help drop their personas. We have built psychological wall against psychological wall, showing to each other somewhat dull and gray faces. As the years pass, the laughter of childhood gets pushed down until it is gone.
There is something very impersonal about life -- at any moment our lives may be ended by forces completely beyond our control. But we can add a great deal of dignity to our fate by admitting and facing reality with a good heart and clear mind. We become stewards of the small acre of creation that is our very own individual life. As we respond, we are responsible and whole human beings. This is living the truth.
"Living the Truth". First published as an article in Footsteps. October 1992.

Human Life

Goal of Meditation?

You may find that you have some sort of "goal" in your mind, something to be attained, like thoughtlessness for instance. This is a concept that is foreign to most of us, not having thoughts.

I observed my move to joy when I let go of polarities; when I let go of thinking of money in this way, for instance, I find that it is not as much of a worry anymore. And that is a big change! That "not as much" is quite a lot in reality.

It is how I think of it: I don't think of it as something I either have a lot of or have absolutely none of, for that is not accurate. And since money is our man-made symbol, we can see how we treat it and how we live our lives. We must see this from an objective perspective.

From Diane, Americ's Partner: Video of Americ's Memorial Gathering

Dear Friends of Americ,

The video of the Celebration of Life for Americ, which took place last September, is (finally) available on youtube. It is unlisted, so you need this link:

https://youtu.be/51YUnD13inE

I hope you are staying well, in body and spirit, during this extremely difficult time. (Please excuse me if you get duplicates of this notice.)

Blessings,

Diane Shavelson

P.S. Americ's blog, https://philosopher-at-large.blogspot.com is being updated with material from Americ's archives, if you'd like to visit.

--

Americ Azevedo

americ.azevedo@gmail.com

philosopher-at-large.com

soundcloud.com/americ 

Don't Write

Presencing

Presencing 

Presencing is our natural ground state. Union with Being itself. There is no mystery about it. As easy as taking a deep breath and letting go when it's time. Every moment is meditation. I call it presencing to emphasize that is it a process, a verb, a doing not-doing. So beautiful so easy and natural.  

Sometimes the pain of existence is too much. So we try to forget our bring here. Don't believe it - we cannot go away. We are condemned to consciousness now and forever. Some times raging in pain, we forget that that's also being here, being-meditation. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and Limbo are all part of the show. No one promised us an eternal bowl of cherries. The Kingdom of God is always with us. But sometimes we must wait and suffer.

    Presencing can also be called "meditation practice". We practice meditation in order to train our mind, to sharpen attention to the constantly emerging inner monologue that goes on inside of us; this is mostly meaningless babel - but it's our babel. We many even notice what we are doing. We keep unconsciously reinforcing our own thought patterns. Confirming back to ourselves what we assume is true of ourselves. 

    What if we lie to ourselves? How can we tell? Perform self observation. Look for the ego. What is ego? Ego is like a cell wall that defines "inside and outside". Become friends with our own limits - a journey toward freedom begins. 

Moment by Moment

Recording 2018: 

True Wealth

True wealth is more than money. It is being fully alive here and now. To become more present is key. Money by itself is a form of death. It's abundant life that is true wealth. Make no mistake. Our society forgets this and encourages money making at the expense of Life. A case of mistaken identity.  

Power

It's not real

Your feelings are not real. Your feelings matter and they are certainly meaningful! They contribute insight into our interactions with others and our act of presencing, our experiences in the moment. Yet they ebb and flow. Like the tides, ever-changing, always moving, similar, never quite the same. You may sink into that horrible feeling because it is what you know, not because it is 'good' or helpful to you. Is the burning barn good? The horse's home is on fire, yet the horse runs home... the barn is the comfort it knows. Your feelings may be true, but they aren't the only truth.