You see what you focus on

I keep getting this recurring theme showing up in random places. (Reminds me of how people say when they first meet me, they start seeing '11' everywhere.) 

It is a reminder: Whatever YOU are looking for, YOU will find. If you look for misery and suffering, you will find it in abundance. If you focus on beauty and love, you will see it, your heart will finally be still with JOY.

What I am being pointed to now, over and over again (which I've been ignoring for years out of a combination of my own ignorance and stubbornness) is that thinking the same behavior I have been exhibiting will get me a different result. This is just a bad waste of good energy. (Similar to the famous Einstein quote defining insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.)

If you are suffering, you are a victim of something. We are here to figure out what our story is, then write it ourselves, making the discovery that we have been the author of our stories all along. Whatever was done to us (WHICH MAY HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE, UNFORGIVABLE, PAINFUL BEYOND MEASURE) is over, and if it's not over, most likely YOU are the only one who is perpetuating the suffering. That is it my dear friend. (I speak in regards to the physical and the emotional, because ALL ONE.)

A promise I have made to MYSELF, is to never sink so low again. The underworlds exist, they are dark, you can explore them all you wish (probably not in a safe manner.) Most humans do not allow themselves to feel such extremes, we are fearful. I didn't want to be afraid of the darkness, so I explored it, I sat with it, I worked with it.... but you must know when the time is done. You must realize your own STORY, then put an end to the story of the people or thing(s) that perpetuated your suffering. Past tense.

And in order to fully LET GO, you must realize that there is an end, there CAN be an end to this perspective that you have grown so comfortable in... do you even know you are covered in SHIT?! You must see the end to the darkness you are creating, the all-encompassing SPACE that seems so dark, but once you let go and you are lighter, you can rise to the stars! You SEE the little lights surrounding you in the darkness. Friends who have wanted to love you for years, LOVE that you were not able to ACCEPT let alone even feel even an inch of until NOW.

Start to feel yourSELF. In your BODY. Feeling LOVE, feeling LIGHT. Is it painful? Are you in IT? Are you feeling? Be grateful to be ALIVE. Does it hurt you? The love will hurt at first, the LIGHT will hurt after living in the darkness for many years, or perhaps your whole life. Like Plato's Cave, the Light may blind you... but keep letting go, keep getting LIGHTER, LIGHTER and you will become one. 

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!